Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket) interviewing Jack Black in
The Believer magazine:
DH: What’s your idea of somebody who would be a really good officiant at a wedding?
JB: Who would be a good officiant at a wedding? Okay. Yeah. I can answer this. I think it would be cool if it was someone like... is Kurt Vonnegut still alive?
DH: Yes. Kurt Vonnegut is still alive.
JB: I’d want Kurt Vonnegut Jr. to officiate at my wedding. I’d want someone who was kind of funny and existential at the helm to say some pissy things about how meaningless everything is but then could maybe still see...
DH: So someone to sort of take you into the dark hole that exists within weddings and then lead you out?
JB: Yeah. Exactly. Someone who acknowledges the darkness but then also sees just a little shining light of something. Who else would be good? I think George Foreman would be good. Just because he’d be funny. And he’s so positive. I like his positive message. [laughs]
DH: [laughing]
JB: And then we could all eat off the Foreman grill. A giant, two-ton Foreman grill.
DH: I was thinking more of people with good speaking voices. Not that your answers aren’t completely valid.
JB: Oh I see.
DH: Like a James Earl Jones. I mean, if you were a guest and you were sitting in one of those tiny white folding chairs kind of spacing out...
JB: Let’s see. Who has a great voice? Searching the memory banks. I don’t know. Whom would you pick?
DH: I don’t know. Maybe Tom Waits.
JB: Tom Waits. Yeah. He’d be great.
DH: He’d probably be good at leading you into the darkness, too.
